Don't forget

Did you regret
Ever standing by my side
Did you forget
What we were feeling inside
Now I'm left to forget
About us

My life in a song

We can fight our desires
Oooh but when we start making fires
We get ever so hot
Oooh whether we like it or not
They say we can love who we trust
Oooh but what is love without lust?
Two hearts with accurate devotions
Oooh but what are feelings without emotions?

I'm going in for the kill
I'm doing it for a thrill
I'm hoping you'll understand
And not let go of my hand

I'm going in for the kill
I'm doing it for a thrill
I'm hoping you'll understand
And not let go of my hand

I hang my hopes out on the line
Oooh will they be ready for you in time
If you leave them out too long
Oooh they'll be withered by the sun
Full stops and exclamation marks
Oooh my words stumble before I start
How far can you send emotions?
Oooh can this bridge cross the ocean?

I'm going in for the kill
I'm doing it for a thrill
I'm hoping you'll understand
And not let go of my hand

I am still alive

I have thought about writing down something so many times
But it always manages to get erased

Why? Because I don't know what to say








Triple scoop~

Short and sweet

The most pronounced words I ever wrote
Are the very words I failed to speak

Rusty nails

Never understood how she could,
Mean so little to so many
Why does she mean everything to me?

Is it worth the pain, with no one to blame?
For all of my insecurities
How did I ever let you go?

Questioning her good intention
Jealousy's a bad invention
When you push on glass, it's bound to break

Even when she was defensive,
It just gave me more incentive
The more you squeeze, the more it slips away

I never walked so far on a lonely street
With no-one there for me
Is it worth the pain, with no one to blame?
For all of my insecurities
How did I ever let you go?

Accept this confession! ...I'm walking on pins and needles
You're not my possession! ...I'm walking on pins and needles
My conscience is vicious! ...I'm walking on pins and needles
And I'm begging forgiveness! ...I'm walking on pins and needles

I never walked so far on a lonely street,
With no one there for me
It took too long to see her in misery
And now it's clear to me

That it's worth the pain, always take the blame
For all your own insecurities
How did I ever let you go?





Dear life,
Get better.

Lets see

I don't even know.
No, really.






PS: This is not easy... *sigh*

Sometimes

Sometimes I wish I was not me.
Sometimes I wish I was emotionless.
Sometimes I wish I could care less.
Sometimes I wish I did not worry.
Sometimes I wish I never longed for love.
Sometimes I wish I could watch the world go by.
Sometimes I wish . . .


I feel like blah.

You know.

"Never make someone a priority if they consider you an option"

I really should take this quote to heart. I do not know why I make certain people priorities when I am just their option. It a pretty horrible feeling when you want to be someones priority and realize you are not.

And today I saw my parents outside sitting by each other in the sun. They were holding hands and just talking. I really hope when I am old and gray that I will still have that close of a relationship with whoever I am with. It makes me smile.

Tired

What an exhausting day. I am not sure why I am writing this~

I have been thinking lately... I am really attractive. I don't think that it is cocky to say since I rarely have (Low self esteem?), but today I just felt extremely sexy. Maybe it's the hair? (Thanks Lisa)

I wrote a lot more but I erased it. I feel it is pointless to talk about my problems right now.

G'night world.

If you are so frequently in love
If you prefer it all to me then my love
You go down the longest road to nowhere
You pull it apart and you’re just left there

Me

"all i can do is be me, whoever that is."
-bob dylan.

The end

"If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style." Sometimes I wonder if this quote is the basis for my life. Every time I feel I am getting somewhere it is always a dead end, always something telling me I cant. I have never had someone to just be there and tell me I can. It is frustrating that it takes so much effort to get somewhere -- Or nowhere in my case.

I am done searching. I am done trying. I am done.





















Just keep throwing out a line
Maybe someday you will find what you are looking for

Hmm

Sometimes I feel like I am wasting my time~

I'm not alone

Here are the lyrics from the song I was going off about in my previous blog.

Calvin Harris - I'm Not Alone (Deadmau5 Remix)

Can you stay up for the weekend?
And blame god for looking too old
Can you find all that you stand for?
Has been replaced with mountains of gold

You can untrain yourself to notice
To feel pain and swallow fear
But can you stay up for the weekend 'til next year

God I can't do this anymore
Oh I’ll be laid down on the floor
As many feet walk through the door
I’m not alone

If I see a light flashin'
Could this mean that I’m comin' home?
If I see a man waving
Does this mean that I’m not alone?

Other than that I don't really have much to say. I received some news that bummed me out but I will be alright <3

And now for something completely different:



















Hahahaha. Win.

Random

I really do think I have A.D.D. When I write, I get distracted so easily and it ends up taking me an hour or more to jot down something that should have taken five minutes. I blame the internet and the entertainment it brings.

I discovered an amazing track remixed by Deadmau5 today that literally blew me away. It felt like my ears were having rough dirty you-know-what. I closed my eyes and the world had disappeared, something I could only wish would happen more often. Whenever I hear something like that it always presses me to continue to want to produce music someday. I <3 music.

In other news I think I have acquired a few really lame injuries.
1. I bruised my hip. I don't even know how that's possible but I did it.
2. I think I broke my toe. Failing at walking + foot to stool = broken toe.

That's all for now.

And now for something completely different:



















You know it's funny.

April's Fool.

It's April Fools and I have yet to prank anyone. I think as you get older the things that used to be funny/fun are not as appealing as they were in your youth. Oh well.

I have a to-do list this month:

be more awesome than I already am
dance my ass off
become drama free
start working out again
keep it real (Thanks Anthony)
job/school
discover more music
meet new people

I have a feeling this month will be a good one. I can feel the weight off my shoulders already -- Unless I'm working out har har har.

And now for something completely different:















A+

You don't have to move on to let go

Feeling the past moving in
Letting a new day begin
Hold to the time that you know
You don't have to move on or let go

Add to the memory you keep
Remember when you fall asleep
Hold to the love that you know
You don't have to give up to let go

Remember turning on the night
And moving through the morning light
Remember how it was with you
Remember how you pulled me through
I remember [x8]

Feeling the past moving in
Letting a new day begin
Hold to the time that you know
You don't have to move on or let go

Add to the memory you keep
Remember when you fall asleep
Hold to the love that you know
You don't have to give up to let go

Remember how it was with you
Remember how it was with you
I remember

Feeling the past moving in
Letting a new day begin
Hold to the time that you know
You don't have to move on or let go

Add to the memory you keep
Remember when you fall asleep
Hold to the love that you know
You don't have to give up to let go
Remember turning on the night
And moving through the morning light
Remember how it was with you
Remember how you pulled me through
I remember [x8]

And now for something completely different:




















Oh hell, I don't even know.

5000 feet

"When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on." ~Franklin D. Roosevelt

I am five thousand feet in the air looking down at the world at the end of a rope, dangling lifelessly in the wind. As I get carried by the current I can only think of the words to say -- the words that will decide how I get down from here.


PS: Music makes me happy. Incredibly happy when things look so very gray.

And now for something completely different:














This is Emilia. I thought it was a llama but apparently it's a rabbit. It looks so happy. Thanks Christina for your participation lol.

Going downhill with no brakes.

I need to get out of this mood. Now. Although the delicious sandwich I ate made me feel slightly better.


And now for something completely different:









So it's not really different, but hey it's my life in a nutshell.

Busy.

I have been busy of late. Mainly being the driver for Lisa and Christina. I had a blast and it was fun having her down here. Party till you drop! What can I say, San Diego just does it better. Haha.

Looking back, I have learned some new things and maybe there is some of that word I gave up on lingering somewhere in the shadows. We'll see. In fact thinking about it puts a smile on my face. All I know is it's time for a change and it's starting now.

And now for something completely different:

What's wit's?

If you're at your wit's end, you really don't know what you should do about something, no matter how hard you think about it. I believe I have reached the pinnacle of utter confusion and I can honestly say the view is not that great.

It feels like I am doodling on paper all the time, trying to create something far more complex than what it really is. When in reality it is just a doodle, a collision of lines and squiggles that do not make sense – But since when have things made sense.

They say if you know what you want in life to go get it. Well, it is right in front of me and it’s just out of reach – So what now?

I don't know.

And now for something completely different:



















I was making a sandwich watching the hummingbirds land and eat. One hummingbird in particular was sitting there for five minutes. As soon as he leaves, he decides to take a crap on the floor. I lol'd.

Life.

It's the moments when your puzzled mind finally comes together with a full and complete answer. The jaded pieces finally fit, and the picture isn't how you imagined it. It's a portrait of you in shoes, but they aren't yours. A beautiful ray of light shines from behind. Yet it's faded, because it's all an elaborate illusion that's meant for a display of pearly whites. It's a home that you'll never occupy.


It's an imperfect perfection that drives you into the ground. It whispers to you everyday reminding you of the same thing. An arcade machine tells you to try again. The quarters have melted in your pockets. You have no business trying again, because it isn't in the stars for you. Hell, you don't even believe in the stars.


Your roof is made of smiles, even a welcome mat or two. Yet your interior lacks all its furniture and your fireplace is empty. The ashes remain in the cold hollow stack. They can see through your broken windows. She can see through your broken windows. The rust is showing again, from when it used to rain. The thunder resonates through your mind. It really was that loud. The sun never sets here anymore; you'll always see what you don't want to.


The shoes tighten like an aged grip. The light dies down and slows to a simmer. Tunnels end approaching; you break free of your wants. You're crumbling alone on this unstable pile of earth. Finally a pair for yourself; time to walk the open road. "Love like the wind" , they said. Invisible always; but sooner or later, you'll feel it. Until then, just keep walking.


Something I wrote a long time ago. It's funny how it still makes perfect sense to me.

And now for something completely different:




Self-explanatory.

Sanity vs. Humanity

You weren’t born as a vacuum, so why do you choose to suck? There really is no other way to put it – People suck. My faith in humanity died long ago when I found out that 90% of our population is born with a severe case of stupidity. Sadly they are growing like wildfires and if intelligence was water we are most certainly screwed.

A girl the other day decides she didn’t want to accept my change because her feeble brain couldn’t comprehend how to count it all. Then she gets frustrated at me and tells me cash only. Last time I checked my coins are just as good as cash. You work at a fast food joint you moron, do not flatter yourself.

And now for something completely different:

Meet Nannerpus. Yes, he's cooler than you.

Major Pet Peeves.

Everyone has them. Here are mine.

Car signals: Use them. They are there to signal when you’re moving from one lane to the next. If your excuse is anything but a broken signal, pull over your vehicle, remove yourself from it, and kindly walk into traffic – Thanks.

Gum chewing: Learn to chew without letting the world know. Donkeys are aloud, you aren’t – Jackass.

Texting: So I have been texting you for the last ten minutes. I decide to call you because our conversation is going in circles. So what do you do? You don’t pick up. I know you’re there, it’s not my fault I dislike your lack of text reading abilities. That’s what phones where originally meant for – Talking. You idiot.

Cocky people: I don’t see why you’re proud of being a douche. There’s a big difference between confident and cocky. Fortunately for me, you won’t ever figure that out.

Bad singers: So you have your headphones in your ears in a public area and suddenly you think you’re on American Idol. Sadly, you are the contestants that everyone laughs at. My ears don’t need to bleed because you have the urge to violate my air with your horrid excuse of a voice. You embarrass me.

I’m sure there are more, but this is all I can think of for now. Maybe I’ll make a part two someday.

And now for something completely different:

WTF.

Nom Nom Nom.

Lately I’ve been thinking about my life and trying to figure out where it’s going. The truth is – I have absolutely no clue. Usually the thought of it has been getting me down, but now I realize there’s no point. Everything that makes me smile, I have – well sort of. I know I’m missing some of the pieces but eventually it will all come together, even if uncertainty gets the best of me. It’s time to see where this roller coaster takes me and hold on for the ride.

On another note, I forgot how much I love doing simple things – especially with people I care about. Spending time doing absolutely nothing and spending nothing seems more rewarding than anything I could ever spend money on.

And now for something completely different:














"There's no need to cry little walri, I has fishcake!"

First the worst?

This is the first time I've had a blog, so I will try to keep it mildly entertaining and somewhat interesting. Besides that I'm pretty sure it's just going to be a lot of crap that no one wants to read about. But hey, it's my blog and I'll rant if I want to.